doglight
  • Home
  • About
    • Godlight
    • Writing
    • Graphic Design Projects
    • New Media
  • Contact

Monthly Archives: July 2015

dumb bird

Posted on July 30, 2015

This morning a bird got in. I’m not sure how it got in. I had let the dogs out and set about loading the dishwasher. Then I heard Artemis crying to come in, so I opened the door but she didn’t come in. As soon as I went back to the dishwasher, I heard her again. I called to her that she would have to wait, under the fool me once rule. But then Cobie came and bumped the door open. I didn’t leap up to close it again, although I should have. The air conditioning was already running. It turned ugly hot a few days ago, kind of sudden, after a long cool summer so far.

After I finished loading the dishwasher, started it, made my coffee, and took my empty-stomach pills, I went to close the door, and that’s when something really large started flapping around the lamp just above my head. I startled hard, because I thought it was a bat. Then I saw it was only a bird. I closed the door. I decided a bird could wait. Like, until Mr Moth woke up. I had not had coffee yet, for god’s sake. I wasn’t even wearing pants yet.

Nobody should attend a wildlife rodeo without pants.

So I came to The Keep. I gave out morning treats. I opened my laptop without drama, a welcome change of pace since it’s been squirreling around lately. I started to play Pearl’s Peril, which is what passes for morning meditation with me. I heard a bunch of yapping, woofing, and meowing from the kitchen. I wondered if it would wake up Mr Moth. I felt no particular compunction to make sure it didn’t. Then everything went silent. The dogs came back to The Keep and lay down. This did not bode well for the feathered one.

Cry havoc and let slip the ckatten… Here came Artemis the ckatten. She leapt and twisted and stampeded up and down my shelves and across my desk. I looked up, and there was the bird. I’m not sure what kind. It looked kind of hawklike, but regular bird sized. I stood up and ushered out the dogs. I tried to usher the ckatten, but forget that. She had more havoc to wreak. So I snagged her and ejected her forcefully. She twisted in midair and I slammed the door in her face. She sat there yowling. I can’t believe Mr Moth slept through that, given the proximity and all.

So, bird in The Keep. Flying from edge to edge. Crapping. It crapped on my diploma. It crapped on my photographs. It crapped on my Done is Better than Good sign. Damn bird. I decided to hell with air conditioning, there’s a crapfest in here, and opened the window. Bird is too dumb to fly out. It keeps flapping around the top edge of windows and doors, looking for places to perch. Now is not the time to perch, dumb bird. Now is the time to fly the hell out of here. I opened another window. Still it wouldn’t fly out.

Okay, bird. I get that (a) there is a reason for the term “bird brain,” and (2) fear doesn’t make anyone smarter even if they have a magnificent brain to start with. But fly out already!

Dumb bird fails to comply with my wishes. It tries to perch on the upper edge of a poster. Don’t crap on my puppy poster, dumb bird! I pick up a dust mop and try to steer the dumb bird toward an open window. A metric crapton of hamster seeds fall out of the dust mop all over The Keep. I, dumb human, switch to a yard stick. Dumb bird outfoxes dumb human and evades yard stick, crapping in a few more places just for good measure.

It is not too surprising I was outfoxed by a dumb bird. It might not have been in the house in the first place if I had not been outfoxed by the ckatten so thoroughly and often that I gave up trying to keep her indoors.

Anyway, once upon a time I owned two finches. When one would escape, I sometimes captured it by throwing a towel over it. But The Keep is towel-less, as I failed at the Hitchhiker’s Guide. Especially since the only things I remember about that book is the number 42 is important, and something about keeping a towel handy, which I obviously have not done. I don’t know what, if anything, the Guide might say about being trapped in a Keep, besieged by predatorial pets, with a dumb bird. So I had to use my head. Before coffee. Not cool. After a few minutes of chasing the poor dumb bird around with a yard stick, I had an idea.

Since I wasn’t wearing pants, never mind a skirt–I only own two skirts, one I only ever wore to Porfolio Review and the other I have never worn–I decided I would do what heroes always do when bandages are needed. Who knows, maybe a hero would also do this if trapped in a Keep with a dumb bird and no towel.

I took off my shirt. I figured I could use it as a towel, net, dumb bird-catcher. Not that I wanted to, because it’s white and hasn’t any stains on it yet, and I really didn’t want it crapped on. But sometimes sacrifices have to be made. As I finished pulling my shirt over my head, I caught my last glimpse of the dumb bird, streaking out the window and away as though it had caught a glimpse of hell’s depths.

I think I have a complex now. Take off my shirt, terrorize a bird.

I hope you have an idea today, and that it doesn’t result in you needing body image therapy.

Share:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
Posted in Critters and Varmints | Tags: ckatten, cobie and kelly, critters |

health and school, is there anything else?

Posted on July 11, 2015

Way back in, what, May? When I first got Horton, I caught a cold. It was relatively minor as colds go, and was mostly a PITA because it made adjusting to Horton harder. On the third day of it or so, I pulled a muscle in my back coughing. It hurt for a day or so and quit.

Then T the CNP twiddled my medications (all of them it seems like) and suddenly that same muscle started hurting again.

I was supposed to wait a month and then go in for blood work. I did that two Wednesdays ago. Still no word on the results, but I have gone back off the statin on my own because I am crippled. It hurts to change positions at all, in any direction. It hurts to climb steps. It hurts to lie down, and it hurts to get up. It hurts to get dressed, and it hurts to undress. I want to whine and cry constantly. Hell, I probably do whine and cry constantly. I’m doing it now, right?

If I don’t hear from them about the results by Monday, I’m calling.

This pain thing is made worse by the fact that Mr Moth hurt his shoulder, and now we are both lamed up.

Meanwhile, on the school front, and also filed under People Who Won’t Give Me the Information I Need To Get On With My Life, my financial aid was terminated for Fall term because I had maxed it out. But, come to find out, they were still using my allowance from my first degree in Graphic Design. So I had to go in and get a new degree form from the financial aid office and carry it to the records office, who was supposed to fill it out and send it back to financial aid. Of course they didn’t do that until I called and nagged. So ten days later the financial aid office told me they had received the form and processed it, but it still needed to be entered into the system.

Another ten days later, it still isn’t showing up in Web Advisor so I can’t accept the aid, and it won’t be credited to my account. So I have to call some more. (Note to self, added to my Monday to-do list.)

Mind you, I’m not sure I’m able to go or want to go…but I don’t want the option to be taken away by failure of the school to process effin paperwork. I want to make that decision myself.

Share:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
Posted in Diary | Tags: health, school |

Pages

  • About
  • Contact
  • Godlight
  • Graphic Design Projects
  • New Media
  • Writing

Archives

  • October 2016
  • March 2016
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • February 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • May 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011

Categories

  • Critters and Varmints (18)
  • Diary (55)
  • Entertainment (7)
  • Maintenance (1)
  • Things (2)
    • Gadgets and Gizmos (1)
  • Uncategorized (18)
  • Writing (19)

WordPress

  • Log in
  • WordPress

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Goodreads (Currently Reading)

Goodreads (Read)

Categories

RSS

RSS Feed

CyberChimps WordPress Themes

© doglight
loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.