saturday six, the scatter-brained identity crisis edition

When you don’t show up for the Friday Five, you owe one.

1.)  Financial problems make me tired.

2.)  I need something.  Some structure?  A deadline?  A routine?  Something to replace what isn’t there.  I thought what I needed was rest and recuperation, but I think there’s more.  I need something to do, something to care about, something to want.

I think that’s it.  I need something to want.

How can I know what I want if I don’t know what I am?

At least Hermie knew what he wanted to be.

3.)  I’m having an identity crisis.  I used to know what I am…was.  I was a housewife, a hillbilly geek, a(n underpublished) writer.  Now what am I?  I’m a graphic designer in free fall.  When you have a business degree can you still be a hillbilly?  Can you be a writer when you have no desire to write?  I guess I’m still a housewife.  Still a guardian of critters.  Everything else is in free fall with me. 

I know I’m out of sorts when I don’t feel like doing laundry.  I always feel like doing laundry.  If I won the lotto, I’d buy a laundromat and write and listen to the machines and do laundry all day.

4.)  I kept putting it off, because I felt like I should use up the old first, but I broke down and bought Kelly new shampoo.  The old shampoo smells like one of those cardboard pine trees people used to hang in their cars.  I’ve been trying to use it up since Hannah.  It takes a long time to use up shampoo when I only use it on the little dog.  Ain’t nobody got balls enough to give Cobie a real bath; I just brush him good, hose him off, and brush him again.  He never smells, except like sunshine or night or whatever season it is.  Anyway, the new shampoo smells like vanilla.  I worried Cobie might think she was a cookie–expecially since she has no scent glands anymore–but no.

5.)  Maybe I should start with a random list of things to do just to break the inertia, and work on making it a good list gradually by replacing things with higher priority activities as I go along….

6.)  I think I got farsighted around the same time we adopted Cobie because the dog gods knew I would spend half my time sitting a mile from the computer to make room for a moosedog where my feet are supposed to go.