kelly, cobie, and the war of the locust

I accidentally planted cherry tomatoes instead of real tomatoes.  I ate about four of them and got bored.  The vines, neglected, have spilled over the little fence around their bed.  Somewhere in the tangle, a locust has been screeching for days.

Scene:  Steamy autumn night in Ohio.

Kelly:  I hear bug.  I KILL bug!  Lemmee at the bug!

Cobie:  You haz bug?  *sniffs*

Kelly:  GRRRRRRRRR! GET AWAY FROM MY BUG SNOW COUNTRY INFIDEL!  *outs self as were-badger*  SNARL!  SNAP!  *lunges at Cobie’s face*  Yappety snarl ARK!  *dives at Cobie in full body-check* 

Cobie:  *looks astonished*  *retreats to deck* *tries to wedge 100 lb butt under plastic parson’s chair in which bossmonkey is seated*  Save me, Bossmonkey!

Me:  Kelly, knock it off.  *pets Cobie*  Good Sir.

Kelly:  Gromma gromma gromma.

Me:  Nuh-uh.

Kelly:  Grumble gromma.  *goes back to locust hunting*  *catches locust half the size of her head*

Locust:  *is outraged*  BZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Cobie:  *peers out of Sanctuary toward Kelly*


Locust:  *flies out of unexpectedly opened jaws of death*

Kelly:  Huh?

Locust:  *buzzes bossmonkey’s cheek*

Me:  *shrieks like a girl*

Kelly:  *tears ass after locust*

Cobie:  *twists neck and gazes at bossmonkey*  Chuff?

Me:  She can’t help it, Sir.  She’s a terrier.  *massages chest now aching from bugfright adrenaline rush*

One thought on “kelly, cobie, and the war of the locust

  1. Oh my good gravy Holly I had forgotten how much I enjoy your writting!!!
    I miss this type of posting…think it would certainly be good for my sanity again lol
    Love LOVE Love your critter capers!!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *