This probably won’t interest anyone but me, but I believe I have had an epiphany as to why this semester has sucked so hard and been so long (apart from the fact that semesters are long, compared to the quarterly term system of last year).
This term sucks because I now spend the most creative, productive part of every day getting ready for, and driving to school.
How much does that suck?
It sucks like a chest wound.
It sucks like a Filter Queen Dream Team.
It sucks aliens through a crack in the hull.
Okay, I’ll try to stop using the word “sucks” now, but let’s face it. THIS. SUCKS.
Royally. Vigorously. Relentlessly.
It sucks in all the colors of the spectrum.
Ordinarily I would get up in the morning, pee, let dogs out, empty the dishwasher, make coffee, take meds that have to be taken on an empty stomach, let dogs in and cat out, drink coffee while checking facebook, let cat in and dogs out, and in, out, and in… Up to here, my day has not changed much, but here comes the difference. After all this–still in my p.j.s, sorry Fly Lady–I would do things.
Once upon a time, “things” =ed “writing.” As recently as spring quarter, “things” =ed futzing around with Adobe, sketching, brainstorming, surfing for ideas. If I’ve been wrestling with a problem, the answer will often come to me as I wake up or soon after, and this is when I can get these solutions down or even start implementing them.
Not anymore. First class starts at eight, so I spend this time making breakfast, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, driving…driving…driving.
And, four hours later, when we finally get to lunch break, I’m so desperate to get the hell away from the computer, forget about playing a game or chatting with friends. I go sit in the crappy lounge with its unusably low tables and wait for the break to be over. I could read, or play a game, but my eyes are tired and my head usually hurts. I eat my packed lunch, stare at nothing, and try not to think too much about how much I wish I was at home, preferably on the deck with dogs. (I also try not to think about how I can’t go that long without peeing, and neither can Kelly.)
I would like the work better if it started at, say, 10:00. Like there’s a job out there with those hours. So I’m muddling along. My work is not as good as it has been during previous terms. At least now I know why, although it’s small consolation.
Blargh.
Holly
It’s just that you are on the last lap and finishing does not seem to come easy to you.
You know you are going to complete this let no one, nothing, no dog get in your way. Just stop these unhappy ramblings and look at finishing.
“Walk bravely toward your dreams”